I feel like I'm in dance class right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
