I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
