So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
