party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
