I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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