So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
