what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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