Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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