I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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