I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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