Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
