he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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