so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
