My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
