I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
