this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
