I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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