i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
