I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
