The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
