I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
