I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
