i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
