Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
