this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
