New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
