Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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