I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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