The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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