Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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