I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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