is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
