Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
