A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
