I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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