i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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