my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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