Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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