You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
