saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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