We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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