apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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