how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
