when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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