Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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