U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
