I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
