he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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