so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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