He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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