Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
