Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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