he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
