i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
