see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
