it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
