How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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