My Higher Power is John Stamos
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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