great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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