I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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