He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
