i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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