thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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