I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
