drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
