i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
