I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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