i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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