True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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