i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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