I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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