shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
